• Premature Ejaculation: Moral Dilemma

    Hi all,

    Just a quick one today.

    Would you risk the friendship of a long term buddy, by sleeping with his younger sister?

    Well due to the world wide web, more specifically Facebook a really nice girl wants to meet up. By the sounds of it she used to have a crush on me since she was 15yrs old when I used to go around to her family home.

    Now, her brother lives in another country these days and is unlikely to return and his sister says she'll keep quiet about the whole thing...should anything happen. Now by the very flirty text messages that are heading my way, I think she wants to have more than a drink and chat, alot more. Wahhooooo/D'oh.

    Whats a man to do? Do the honourable thing and turn the girl away, or give into the dark side and just go with the flow??

    Hmmmmmmm well I've arranged to meet up with her tonight, so you can tell where I might be heading...straight to hell - haha!

    Full update to follow...God I feel bad now! Perhaps I'll call it off. Nope she's hot! Arrrgghhhhhh. Catch 22 this one!

    Craig x

    PS - Did you see the Chapelle clip? You loved it right?? The Rick James one...


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  • PREMATURE EJACULATION: If a noise is worth making...

    Hey there,

    Got this link off a reader called Arbie from a previous posts and it stars US funny man Dave Chapelle talking about Premature Ejaculation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpjq8jqrPq8 See if you like it…?

    Chapelle also does one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on his Chapelle Show – ‘I’m Rick James’ do search YouTube people for it as its brilliant. It’s weird though my male friends love the sketch whereas my female ones just don’t seem to get it - Men are from Mars and Women Venus as stated on the tin. Just must be Mars is obviously a funnier place ;-)

    I was just thinking today after stumbling across something in a men’s magazine and it involves one of the last girls I slept with and to be blunt and to the point -What the hell actually is a fanny fart? I mean just looking on the net now there are pages dedicated to this phenomenon. The Urban Dictionary calls one an: ‘involuntary expulsion of air from the front passage in females. Can occur during intercourse, or inverted yoga postures.’

    I mention this as it’s just that I was in bed with this rather nice young lady and as she got more and more excited, the wetter she got, but the nosier she got in more ways than one. The gurgling and almost burping like qualities of her pussy became rather noticeable, probably a bit too noticeable for my weak constitution. And it wasn’t just like one of those silent but violent offences everyone commits, these were full on cross-channel ferry BarrrppppppppppppppPPPPPPSSSSSS! I’ve literally heard nothing like it before, or after. Saying that I’m actually remembering once a girl, who shall remain nameless, fell asleep after a rather intoxicated evening and let out this, I presume, real fart that was quite underwhelming in it’s noise, but the longevity of it was lending itself to Olympic standards of time busting. I’m still friends with this girl and wondering whether, or when the right time to bring this up would be. If I should at all…? – Answers on a postcard please.

    I’m tending to think that I’ve had my fair share of bedroom talking points over the years but this, I guess, is another to add to the growing list. Normality please…. but what’s normal you may say you check that this is a blog dedicated to premature ejaculation! 

    Anyway, that’s it for another week, enjoy the sun today…while it lasts.

    Craig x


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  • PREMATURE EJACULATION: Porn to be wild!

    Well hello there….

    I know, I know, it’s been a while in more than one sense of the word let me tell you, or not as the case may be! I have been in the process of moving flats and a new broadband connection has proved quite a hurdle to overcome. Anyway, it’s all sorted now and you can now sleep well in the knowledge that I’m back in business.

    The lack of the information superhighway has allowed me to take a look at the fact that I do need it like a sort of drug. It’s such a great invention especially sites like Facebook and Hotmail in helping you keep track of things like parties, reunions, and news. But also for PORN. I know a lot of the readers of this blog are women and I was wondering what are your thoughts on this now easily accessible form of entertainment? I think with the ubiquity of scantily clad men and women on the net, splashed across magazines, tabloid newspapers and filling the screens of TV and film - porn has become far less a taboo subject than say 10-16yrs ago, when I was a wee lad.

    For example if I mentioned the P word to one of my earlier, say teenage girlfriends they would run an absolute mind and think I was some weirdo freak. Which some may say is not far off the truth – haha! Whereas my previous girlfriend used to watch probably as much, if not more, scantily clad ass as I did. And I say ass in the female sense of the word, because she liked the lesbian stuff. I personally think she’s a closet lesbian, well I would after she broke up with me on New Years Day! Oh and she used to play football as well, another pointer to me perhaps the clearest of the lot. Although she did mention the first thing she was going to do was hook up with this hot girl at work and get her drunk. Hmmmmmmm

    Anyway, lesbian porn which for me is all very very well, but there’s a beginning, a middle, but never any real ending is there? I always think it needs a bit of a male coming in at the end (literally) to conclude the scene properly at the very least. Preferably a muscular tradesman, like a plumber, or mechanic and preferably with a little moustache and talking in a Scandinavian accent – for authenticity naturally. I’m getting carried away now 

    I don’t know I was just thinking, thinking that I’ve missed the red hot action like an old friend and now we’re back re-united I shall never let that sweet sweet electronic love go away for so long ever ever again.

    Anyway, I’m off to watch YouPorn in an attempt to get a good nights sleep – after all tomorrow is another day in which I need to buy a TV…well I’ve got quite a few DVDs as well 

    Take care folks.

    Craig x


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  • PREMATURE EJACULATION: It’s always the quiet ones!

    Hola team,

    Well as I stupidly mentioned in my last blog that summer was here, well it looks like it’s just gone again. The weather it seems is going mental and surely as Al Gore says it’s got to be of our doing. You only have to read about the current flooding in China and the US today in the paper, problems. Anyhow, I’m not here to go all Swampy on you, but perhaps we should all think about turning the light off, boiling exactly what we need in the kettle and showering just once a week - haha!

    Anyway cutting back to the bone, I was in a steamy encounter this weekend with a rather nice girl, Gemma who in fact is a primary school teacher. Bright, quiet and well spoken/educated herself. Man is she just the opposite in bed and out of it – the things that were coming out of the ladies mouth! She is now bombarding me with text messages, and MMS pictures telling me what she wants to do with me and me to her! One minute she’s saying how lovely, how rewarding it is, bringing on the youth of today, next she’s regressed into some gibberish debauchery telling me how fcuking wet she is thinking about me going down on her in a hot shower as I also played with both her erm..holes, stuck things in here, there and anywhere! Well I’m quite shy, in some respects, and this got me thinking about the allegedly quiet ones.

    For example a couple of years ago I was travelling in NZ and after an horrific journey of miles and miles without seemingly seeing anything, or anyone. We pulled up late at this small coastal town and both me and my travelling chum were going to go straight to bed after a quick shower (yep thought we’d better it had been an a/c free vehicle shall we say!) but I persuaded him to go to the local bar for a quick relaxing jar. And thank god we did.

    Perhaps it was because we were in the middle of nowhere, and it was warm (greenhouse effect again you see!) but it was like Take-That had walked in and we were (unusually) surrounded by some very chatty/forward girls. After one or two beers more than expected, I ended up with this young, pretty German who suggested, well I did, that we go back to hers. Her friend drove and we all ended up in bed together, though her friend pretty much crashed out asleep. Before you know it, said Herman was stripped off, stripped me off and was sucking away like a trouper, boom that was it for me as ever! Then I noticed and this by the way this 18yr old girl, had her clit pierced! I’ve never seen anything of the sort, call me naïve, but 18?! anyway she played with herself, I played with her, some of the toys she had brought (travelling?! How she gets them through customs etc, god only knows) and she was going crazyyyyyyy. Quite what her friend was thinking god only knows, but she went to sleep on the couch out of necessity in the end. The cutest, nicest young European girl. Filthy! Needless to say the Sharpshooter was sharp that night, which I got the feeling she wasn’t overly impressed with. Great night non-the-less.

    The fact that I had to be up in the morning to watch some whales, dolphins etc - the whole reason for driving that far, was lost on me as I sat just looking at the sexy youthful bronzed body beside me. Not so much my friend however, who was up and running back at our hotel at the crack of dawn waiting to go see Free Willy and friends, which we never actually managed to do due to my late arrival back. Oops. Ahhhh, those hazy crazy lazy travelling days.

    Until next time people! And do feel free to comment on any filth you want to share – about the quiet ones 

    Craig x


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  • PREMATURE EJACULATION: We're all going Orange

    Hi All,

    Firstly, thank you to a reader who has syndicated me into his PE website, all this helps us who have been afflicted by the curse of being a bit too hot off the blocks!

    Well the summer it seems is finally here for at least a couple of days – infact sometimes when the sun shines is there anywhere better in the world than the UK?…the answer is still yes! But, I’m not complaining for once I am a summer bunny and a happy one at that at present! :D

    I see the Euro’s are well underway, and regular readers will note I’m a huge football fan. I can never seem to quite relate as well particularly guys who don’t like say football, rugby, cricket, tennis or one of the major rough and tumble sports. Any other blogger fans find that?, or is it me just being one dimensional?? – Because I assure you I’m not! Anyhow, I’m going to support the Dutch I think, with the absence of those over paid British pre-Madonna’s that litter the Premiership. My money is looking good after they turned the World Cup holders Italy over in their first game. ¡Hup Holland!

    Pretty quiet on the S E and X front of late, so I’ve got a list of humorous retorts to partners who are less then helpful with my little problem, five more next month if I get some good feedback.

    1) "My pants have been too tight all day and the sudden release of pressure caused major upheaval in my groin."

    2) "You were just far too sexy, babe."

    3) "I was jetlagged and still running an hour behind."

    4) "A bedspring jabbed me in the ass, RIGHT in the g-spot, would you believe."

    5) "I have COWS - Constantly Over-stimulated Willie Syndrome. It's a true medical condition. Check my . . . I mean, check the entry in Wikipedia.

    Speak soon peop’s…

    Craig x

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  • PREMATURE EJACULATION: Definitely Maybe!?

    Hi all,

    So did you have a big bank holiday weekend? I did. Action packed, fast and furious - just how us premature ejaculators like it! :-)

    I went to see the latest instalment of Indiana Jones late last week, which I found to be a tad disappointing. It’s a bit like when they brought out the new Star Wars films, I was so looking forward to them, but in essence how could they even compete with the originals. For me Indy IV gets 3/5 and that’s mainly because the brooding Harrison Ford still looks the business donned in Fedora and still cracking a mean bull-whip.

    Do you know that the according to the 2006 Congress of the European Society for Sexual Medicine, report (I’ve been doing my research – I’m a geek me!): the average lasting time of men with PE was 1.8 minutes. 'normal' men lasted an average of 7.3 minutes. I find these figures quite hard to work out. Surely even 7.3 mins of fun for you normal guys can’t be right?! I thought and in fact have heard and in some cases watched friends on the job for far longer – yeah sure a few drinks may have helped them, but hey that can’t be right can it…girls? Who are probably the best judge of timings etc! Us guys do sometimes time to elaborate on these things a bit like the lengths of our man-hoods, the 38yd volley we smashed in last week at football etc etc ;-)

    The last time I had sex, which came after watching said Indy film, I lasted approx 1 or 2 minutes, which for me was a pretty good showing. The thing was the action happened around 3am which considering we got back home at around midnight was somewhat laboured in terms of a time frame. The fact of the matter was when do you make your first move as a guy? when you know sex is probably on the cards, but you’re not quite sure (see previous blog about the P word - bluurgghhh) As I find out the ideal time was 3hrs down the road, though looking back I could’ve saved myself a few hours sleep time and some of my best stories in what became a talk-a-thon instead of a shagathon – by making a move through being more self-confident.

    I guess the Premature Ejaculation (PE) problem plays on my mind much more than I think. ;-( Oh well. I’ll know in future that when a girl invites you back to hers, breaks open a bottle of wine on a school night and sits pretty close to you on the sofa having had 3 previous dates, that the lucks in.

    Anyways, good luck to you all people in your pursuits this coming week, can’t believe it’s the midweek point already!

    Craig x

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  • Premature Ejaculation: The River Runs Red!

    Hi Team,

    Sorry it's been a while, but if it's not one thing it's your mother. Or Grandmother in this case.

    So have you all had a good Bank Holiday weekend? - I hope so. Mine was surprisingly quiet and rather not all that I'd hoped for, but alas I'll make up for it this weekend I'd hope.

    Still haven't heard back from the clinic which is a good sign as they only contact you should anything be wrong within two weeks - so I'm guessing no news is good news. But, then you start thinking what if they've got my old mobile, or I've written down the wrong email!? Perhaps I'll ring them just to confirm.

    The sexual encounters have been drying up abit of late. Though I did have a brief late night meeting in terms of a Mrs Robinson type rendez-vous. I met said lady and friend in a late night watering hole and we eloped con friend back to my my apartment. After being treated to a fully blown X-factor type audition by the other girl. I've never seen or heard anything like it (soooo funny) well not at 5am in the morning! This girl really did think she was a great great singer (why do they always think that and get upset when they're told they're not?! always baffles me) and couldn't understand why Simon Cowell refused to even see her at the last auditions in Manchester, or wherever! I know why!! After serial-killing a Whitney Houston classic with warbles and much unrelated arm movements, open mouthed Robinson and I headed to the sanctity of the bedroom.

    And well another surprise was in store. To put it bluntly, sometimes I think girls are better off just going home, rather than stay out when they're on the blob. I mean what is the point?! without wanting to offend 50% of my readers out there. It's soooooo frustrating in a way, but then when I blow my load after 3 secs I guess I can't really speak - which I did! haha Anyway, although both partners were willing mother nature had the last laugh and I just got a bit of oral. Great.

    It's always the same when you can't do/have something, you just want it so much more. Oh well when the river runs red there's no point battling the tide is there...

    Have a great week and hopefully a bit more lady luck for me will come, or just a post-menstrual lady! :-)

    Craig x

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  • Premature Ejaculation: The dreaded clinic!

    Hi Team,

    Well got a big weekend planned starting with tonight when I’m entertaining a lovely young lady in the city, then we have a big football end of season do on Saturday which will no doubt be rather messy!

    Anyway, finally made it to the clap clinic the other day, may have been Monday. Now isn’t that just the strangest and most embarrassing place in the entire planet??? I’ve been erm quite a few times before and who should walk in this one time, but my best friends little sister. Well neither of us knew where to look, or what to say as it’s obvious why you’re there. I remember it was one of those times just before lunch when everyone just vanishes, just leaving you to squirm much longer than is necessary. I’m used to this misfortune now.

    This time was no better typically. Two of the hottest young starlets walk in and sit virtually directly in-front of me. Great. As it was quite a small waiting room there was no real hiding place apart from the toilet which I excruciatingly couldn’t go to as you need to hold the first part of your wee in, for the tests. I just grabbed the first magazine I could see, think it was Prima from 1983 or something – just what I was looking for to compound my uneasiness. Then the woman called my name and I was thinking well there’s no chance if I ever see those two out in town, or wherever, as they’ll think I’ve got the plague.

    Anyway, having had to talk about my recent conquests. Oral, Vaginal and anal questions, drug use etc I managed this time to avoid the pain of a cotton bud down the general and opted for the urine sample. In my experience if you give the slightest indication you’ve had unprotected sex and enjoyed it without thinking about the consequences, the nurse rams that thing down your cock to ensure you think about your future actions! Argggghhhhhh It is the weirdest most uncomfortable sensation in the world for us boys. Thank god for the appliance of science and the saving grace of the urine sample.

    Anyway, I trotted out there clinging to what dignity I had left and went to buy myself something nice as a treat. Well a Cadburys Cream Egg – Love them. Guess it’s a waiting game now, as they only contact you if you’ve got a problem. Which is another issue, as last time they only had my old mobile number and a month passed before I got a belated email saying I need to come in for treatment. I had Chlamydia. Nice. No symptoms, but a relatively easy problem to deal with, apart from having to tell a couple of girls who by and large have never really been quite as friendly with me since.

    As the nurse said though in these promiscuous times, it’s better to come in and control a problem than keep on being the bearer of bad tidings. So I urge you all to go and get checked out, better to be safe than sorry!

    Well that’s that for this week. I’ll post another joke (a better one) next time perhaps after the last received a mixed reaction from the readers 

    Have a great weekend

    Craig x

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  • Premature Ejaculation: Easy come Easy go!

    A big hello to one and all,

    Especially to my two new fav visitors (who left comments) to my last blog about the girl with the radio-active skin. Who incidentally has tracked me down via a friend of a friend. Slightly worrying as I think I’m going out again to the place we met tonight. Lets hope I don’t end up standing in the wrong spot…oops I meant face…sorry place.

    To be honest I was thinking the other day how come not only do I orgasm like a pre-pubescent school child I look like one. I’ve still got pimples and I’m 30 – How can that be? Sometimes my forehead looks like a lunar land site my mother reckons it might be a food allergy, but I just can’t see it. And of all the things I eat it would take foerever to work out which one it would be anyway I reckon. Hmmmmmm.

    Anyway, before I go on, what a fantastic game of football I witnessed the other night in the Champions League between Liverpool and Arsenal. The two footballing giants served up a delightful spectacle of football were you could argue the best team didn’t win on the night. Fantastic entertainment either way for the neutrals watching on.

    In terms of the Premature Ejaculation blog, then the only thing of note this week is one of my visitors suggest I try Prozac, the anti-depressant drug. I replied saying that usually I’m not into prescribed anything, but with the problems that have afflicted my life so far in the S.E.X department, I’m definitely going to read up more on that. It’s just the thought of it puts me off. I mean I’m down, but not that down and stuff going into directly affect my brain which is bolloxed as it is  I’m not sure as I say. Anyway, Bri (see previous blog) has risen from the mire like a phoenix I’m ever so pleased to say and got himself back on track which is fantastic. It shows it can be done one way or another.

    Anyway, to end this little ditty is a joke I was sent by an understanding friend of mine- not. He knows shall we say… 

    There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation, " said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

    Terrible – I know.

    Anyway, until the next time.

    Craig x

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  • Premature Ejaculation: Spot the Dog

    Hi one and all...

    I've had a relatively quiet week or so, apart from when I ventured out into a late night drinking establishment with a friend in the city. Christ how old did I feel, next to all the scantily clad students???? I think I'll leave the binge drinking on a Tuesday school night to the kids!

    I saw a little bit of action in the trenches though last Friday after literally being dragged to this girls house from a bar not far from home. She was pretty, brunette, around 26 and she didn't seem too interested in my feeble drunken attempts at small talk - she was a gal on a mission.

    Anyway, straight forward sex with a nice, normal girl (apart from her lust filled appetite for all things me!) was seemingly on the cards...wrong - as ever. All started well in terms of a bit of kissing and light petting (that word always makes me laugh, do you remember the signs at the swimming baths 'No Petting in the pool' when you were kids? - infact do they still have them up??) in her brightly lit lounge before she took my hand and lead me upstairs - were we'd be more...comfortable. So off come the clothes in the darkness and we kiss and generally grope away at each other. It was then as she laid down starkers, the street lights caught her stomach. OMG! She had some sort of major skin problem. I mean like worse than the worst excema I'd ever seen. I wondered why her skin felt weird?! Anyway, for some illogical reason (considering the hot blonde in SharpShooter Blog 2)  it didn't seem to turn the rock hard little soldier off one bit and bammmm he was just as quick as normal - even though with the lighting it seemed that the skin had lots of little white spot things that seemingly glowed in the dark! Freaky, but fun non-the-less and she really was a nice person which is what matters. I blurted out an apology for my briefness and tried to drift off to sleep which wasn't difficult as I was pretty tiddly.

    I left without saying goodbye in the morning partly because it was still early and I didn't want to wake her, partly because I didn't want the covers to lift up and because I didn't really want to see her again and partly because I'm a tosser - well I was that Saturday morning. I felt terrible slipping out of the door, but perhaps she had the last laugh because I feel abit of an itch down there...infact everywhere when I think back. I must be just imagining it because of her skin, but I've got myself booked into the clap clinic just incase. I never learn from my mistakes. Doh!

    Which I guess leads me to Golden Rule number 2.0 - Always bag up on the job!

    Craig x

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